Rants and Raves

One thing I will truly miss about Augusta is the local newspaper, the Augusta Chronicle. Not only is it really generally useless except to incite anger and outrage, on page 2 of the Metro section there is a sidebar entitled "Rants and Raves." This article is small, anonymous blurbs called or written in from you, John or Joan Q Public, to air your feelings about whatever you like and if you are "lucky," your blurb will be published.

However, something here went seriously wrong.

The person(s) in charge of this section must really hate Augustans or drink a lot, as what would be a nice section about public comments is just really exploiting any moron with access to a cell phone or computer. Case in point: On Saturday, 18 June, this was the leadoff comment:

"AN ECOLOGY RANT to fitness buffs. You eat more. You exhale more carbon dioxide. You give off more heat. You waste our precious water because you drink and shower more, and you use up two outfits a day, which require washing. Many of you drive back and forth to gyms and tracks, causing more carbon dioxide. All your exertions achieve nothing but a big carbon track shoe footprint. Come split firewood for me if you want exercise."

This one isn't as bad as some, because the person who composed it is eloquent and direct. I like that. Proper spelling and grammar are always high points. However...what a moron. What was the point of this? It seems more than a little bitter, I think. So if all these things are bad, lets reverse it to get a clearer view of the author.

Doesn't eat much. Doesn't exhale. Is cold blooded, much like a turtle or a frog. Doesn't drink much water. Wears only one outfit per day and washes it sparingly. Doesn't got to a gym or track. And the clincher, is judging the carbon footprint yet admits to burning firewood. This person sounds like a catch. Well versed, you know, with ecology and supports it by burning.

This next one is from today, 19 July. This was AS PRINTED, in the Sunday paper, for the whole world to see.

TO MY NEIGHBORS that are on Section 8: You have successfully ruined my neighborhood. Your kids are thieves and have no respect for other people's property. Your yard is a mess and trash is everywhere. Could you please get a job, get your kids under control and take your weave off of the fence? (It's dry now.) Not that you can read this post.

Sorry. I forgot I left my weave there. :(